that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
