And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
