literally had 100 drinks last night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
