I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
