On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
