Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
