I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize