You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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