no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she pinky promised me she was 18
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
