ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize