Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
