I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize