Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
