My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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