im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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