And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
