I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
