I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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