I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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