Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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