I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
