Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
