It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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