i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
