k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
