I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
