I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize