the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Boobs are out for the taking
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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