I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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