I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
