I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
