i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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