I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry my hands just texted you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
