Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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