god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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