Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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