I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
