I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
