I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
nutella sex= disaster
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize