i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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