I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
