Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
