News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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