Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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