Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
