is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
