But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
