Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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