It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
