I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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