why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
