Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
