You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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