YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize