Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish you could order shots online.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
