I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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