Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think your dad took our porno
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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