nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Randomize
