My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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