Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
