Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
