omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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