Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
