Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize