Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
