My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
