3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
