3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
