haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
