Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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