We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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