I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
