I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Say something about gay babies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
