Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
