Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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