my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
