How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
