Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
