Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
