I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
