There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
