and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
vagina is talking i cant
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
