end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
