If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
