You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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