this just has baby written all over it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
