booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Mom said you looked used
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
