As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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