You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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