my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
