I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Are my feet made of real feet?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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