I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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