I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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