im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
