This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
