Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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