Whod you bang
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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