**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Four minutes until I can fart!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
