he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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