tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
