How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
